Relationship as Spiritual Practice

I have been listening to Practicing the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle while getting the garden ready for spring, which is a wonderful form of gardening meditation. My favourite section is ‘Relationship as Spiritual Practice’. I don’t think I am alone in finding that personal relationships are the greatest challenge to one’s spiritual journey. Friends, lovers, husbands, daughters, mothers-in-law, co-workers, neighbors, parents, sisters. (Oh! Don’t get me started on sisters!) The butcher, the baker. Even the plumber! You name it! There are times when it feels like the whole world has gone crazy.

Maybe the world is crazy. All of us are a little crazy to some extent. Or, maybe it’s just a case of not being awake, of being ‘unconscious’.

I try to be conscious; I’m not always successful. When my pain body takes over, especially in response to someone else’s pain body, I give myself a mental slap on the forehead and say, ‘There you go again, being unconscious’. (I don’t say this out loud; I wouldn’t want to give the impression that I am crazy.) But, and this is a important ‘But’, the fact that I notice my unconsciousness is indication that I am actually conscious.

There are two parts to this; the first is waking up and being conscious; the second is being conscious of the fact that you are conscious. When you experience this realization, that you are conscious, the ‘I AM’ emerges as the silent watcher. In this state of awareness the silent watcher (you) is aware of its own conscious presence, which is the essence of the Power of Now. When you are in this state you can be with others in a state of consciousness, whether or not they are conscious. When you are with others in a state of consciousness, there is no need to judge, no need to retaliate, no need to make sure that you are not being taken advantage of, being victimized, or not getting your fair share.

There is another side to this that I have become aware of. Seeking a state of perpetual consciousness, a future time when I and all those around me are conscious, is an unconscious activity. This is not the Power of Now; it is the (mistaken) power of a future that never arrives. The Power of Now is realizing that I am already conscious and that this consciousness is within me, not external, not in those around me. There is much less suffering in this state. In fact, it opens up a whole new realm of love, compassion, and meaningful relationships, independent on the behavior of others, and therefore secure. In this way, relationships themselves become a spiritual practice.

It would be nice if everyone were able to be conscious all the time. But this is not the case, not with me and not with those I share my life with. However, I can raise the level of my own consciousness, and in this way help to raise the level of consciousness in others. This in itself is a spiritual journey, and can become the spiritual journey of everyone – a gift to humanity.